I'm thinking about putting out a personal ad

My friend said to me, "go on match, Jamie just got engaged and she was on match..." I don't know, i think it works for some. But you really have to sell yourself, like putting up fake pictures of yourself, lying about your measurements and saying you want kids. I thought about it and here's what i would write:

Intro line: You suck!

Description:
That's right. So don't bother contacting me because you suck. Well actually not, if you really did i would be praising you instead of hating you. So you might as well check out that guy who likes romantic walks in the park and long phone conversations while lying in bed staring at the ceiling. I think his intro line says "Seeking Soul Mate", which really means "Jerk Off". Good luck fuck-face. If i could make a picture of a middle finger with semicolons and parentheses it would be right here______

love, me

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I don't know if it's too real, but that's what people like now-a-days. And I'm not into the whole soul mate thing because how can I have a soul mate when last weekend i traded my soul for a seat on the 6 train? If anyone has experience at writing this bullshit let me know. But you know what, I think it's pretty good as is. Who wants to bet I'll get a date?

UFC Move Over - 'Fight like a girl!!!!'

This weekend the Professional Pillow Fighting League came to Brooklyn. To say the least, it was CRAZY AWESOME!!! A cross between Ultimate fighting, Professional Wrestling and pillow fighting, this show definitely entertained us for a good 3 hours. Nothing was staged and all the fights were as real as it gets. Several fighters who competed the night before had to sit out because of injuries. With names like Ursla Anvil (top photo), Boozy Suzy & Betty Clocker, how the hell can you go wrong? In between the pro matches, the PFL opened up the competition to wannabe PLFers, young women only. In one of the amateur matches, a cheap shot to the kisser caused a broken tooth. I guess pillow fighting isn't as fluffy as we think. UFC you better watch out!

Happy New Year, Hawaii!

I was in Hawaii over the holidays. Don't expect too many pictures from the beach. It rained 75% of the time I was there. New Years Eve was a blast, usually there are so much fireworks the streets feel like a war zone. This year it wasn't so bad. After the initial celebration, my friend Merds took me to "Next Door", a club on Hotel Street (during the 1940s Hotel Street was infamous for its brothels). Inside the club it doesn't seem like Hawaii, but look closely and you'll see that it really is paradise.